I may not be able to stick a stamp on this and mail it, but I know He can read it anytime he chooses.
Dear God,
I want to know why. Why do you get to hold my baby and I don’t? I am the one who is suppose to protect her in this world. I am the one who is suppose to hold her. I am suppose to be the one to love her. Why did You have to take her??? Did I do something so terrible in my life that I have to be tortured? Why does it feel like you hate me? I am so angry, in fact I am to the boiling point of pissed off. She didn’t deserve to die. Caskets shouldn’t come so small that only one person need carry it!
I’m tired of hearing that good comes from all things. NOTHING GOOD CAN COME FROM THIS!!!! There is a huge gaping hole inside me that will never heal properly. Every time we do anything, there will always be someone missing that should be enjoying it with us. There will be no firsts for Elin. We will never get to throw her a party to celebrate her birth, no presents for her on Christmas, no food thrown on the floor at Thanksgiving, no egg filled to the brim with candy on Easter for her, no pretty dresses to twirl, no pretty ribbons for her hair. I will never get to hear her say I love you mamma. I will never get to kiss her owies. I will never get to read her a story. I will never get to hear her sing a song in the language of toddlers.
What did I do wrong? Why do I need to be tortured????? Why can’t I have my baby girl? WHY ARE YOU SO SELFISH THAT YOU FELT THE NEED TO KEEP HER TO YOURSELF???? She was mine and I want her back!
Ossiander's Place 
jen Said:
on June 21, 2010 at 2:34 pm
Oh honey, I wish there was something I could say or do to ease your pain. I am so sorry your family is going through this. It isn’t fair. It is horrible, and my heart goes out to you all.